DIFFICULT & ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS

Difficult &Abusive Relationships?

What happens when we are surrounded by difficult people around us .People who do not value your inputs and efforts to make their life comfortable. You have tried your level best to make them acknowledge your efforts but of no avail. You are bound to them either by loyalty or helpless circumstances. Doesn’t this sound like many of us in relationships ?

So how do you deal with this ?

 First of all it is worth exploring if they are doing this only to you or it is generalized pattern of emotional abuse they follow .In that case you do not take them seriously and lower your expectations from them .Some people just cannot offer emotional support and reassurance as a part of their internal patterns .

So the question is where do I go for emotional gratification ? The wisdom here is to understand that one can give only what they have and if emotional security is not a part of their systems ,they cannot and will not give it to you .So should you be waiting to get what you want from this one channel only ?

This brings us to our conditioning that only some relationships are meant to connect at an emotional level .We grow up with some very cliche expectations of close relationships having to fulfill all my needs and we close ourselves to the world .

The grief of this one abusive relationships takes us over and we spend our life trying ,crying and waiting for the equation to change .We distance ourselves from all other channels of love and emotional connect and sink in deep disappointments.

Another common error in thinking that we often develop is that we let their opinions define us .Their appreciation and criticism has the potential of brightening us and saddening us .In short we give control of our happiness to them. Do you think they realize this? Your reaction and plummeting self worth empowers them to play with your emotions.

 Some Action Steps -

Some of the approaches we can use to deal with difficult relationships can be –

     A)   Ask yourself whether their behavior towards you is about you or about them.

 I  if it about their patterns then break free and align your expectations .

     B)Understand and accept the fact that your emotional needs are not going to be met 

t   through this channel .

        C) If this is what everyone is doing to you then it is about the value you attach to yourself i.e your self-worth. Your personality exudes a low confidence that conceals your talents and experiences of life .In that case work on your self esteem.

          Realize that no one relationship can fulfill all the needs as the needs could be conflicting.

      D) Expand your circle of interaction and open yourself to allow love and appreciation flow from other channels .This should not come as a disheartened effort but as a deep understanding of people and their limitations.

     E)      Your indifference to emotional abuse is the biggest power you have and your reactions are the most encouraging factor .It has been seen that when we become strong from within and do not give expected reactions the other person is forced to think .Very often when they see their influence reducing they are forced to think .For some time they scale up their efforts to get you back in a vulnerable spot but then give up and try to see your point of view .